71: Why ADHDers Can't Start Anything — Even The Things They WANT To Do (And No, You're Not Lazy)
"just do the hardest thing first" is terrible advice, according to every ADHD brain on earth.
Can we all agree to collectively retire one piece of productivity advice? “Do the hardest thing first.”
Absolutely not.
I know whoever came up with that advice did not have ADHD, because if they did, they would’ve known that the hardest part isn’t the hard thing.
It’s starting.
Because here’s the thing nobody tells you about ADHD.
It’s not that we don’t want to do the thing, sometimes we want to do it so badly it physically hurts.
The Hobby Graveyard
Do you know how many hobbies I’ve purchased?
Don’t answer that.
Actually...Three.
Three completely untouched hobbies currently live in a cabinet in my house.
Not because I changed my mind or lost interest or just didn’t want to anymore.
I still want to.
I just...never started.
And if you have ADHD, I know you’ve experienced some version of this.
Wanting to do something and starting it are two completely different skills, which feels deeply unfair, if you ask me.
Your Brain Isn't Asking the Same Question
One of the biggest things I’ve learned about ADHD is that our brains prioritize completely different things.
A neurotypical brain asks: “What’s most important?”
An ADHD brain asks: “What’s the easiest thing that gives me dopamine immediately?”
Which explains approximately every questionable decision I’ve ever made.
Need to finish client work? How about instead feels like the perfect time to reorganize my Notion.
Need to launch a new funnel? But what if I recorded an entirely unrelated podcast episode.
Need to reply to one email? Counterpoint: Let’s spend forty-seven minutes researching something we’ll never need.
It sounds ridiculous.
Until you realise your brain genuinely believes it’s helping. It’s doing something, so it thinks it’s that thing…but it’s not. And it’s doing the exact opposite of helping.
The Problem Isn't Motivation
This was probably the biggest takeaway in the episode from me: People assume ADHD is a motivation problem.
It’s not, it’s an activation problem.
I don’t struggle because I don’t care, I struggle because my brain has the executive functioning skills of a raccoon holding a driver’s license.
The desire and intention exists. Sometimes, even the plan often exists.
The desire to start? Now that’s another story.
It’s like standing in front of a manual car knowing exactly where you need to go...
...and still stalling every time you try to leave the driveway.
You know what to do. You just can’t make the engine cooperate.
The "Why Can't You Just..." Problem
If you’ve ever had someone ask: “Why can’t you just do it?”
First of all, rude.
Second of all, I promise we’ve already asked ourselves that question about seventeen million times.
Because here’s what people don’t see…
We know the deadline.
We know it’ll feel better once it’s done.
We know it’ll probably only take twenty minutes.
We know avoiding it is making us feel worse.
We’re aware, painfully aware, in fact.
Which is exactly why so many people with ADHD end up feeling guilty.
Not because they don’t care, but because they care so much they can’t understand why their own brain won’t cooperate.
It’s exhausting.
The Rules Were Never Written For You
I think that’s the part I wish more people understood.
So much productivity advice assumes everyone’s brain works the same way.
It doesn’t.
Some people can:
eat the frog
do the hardest thing first
time block their entire day
write a to-do list and simply... follow it
Cute. And I love that for them.
I cannot. And maybe you can’t either.
It doesn’t make us broken, and it doesn’t mean we’re not trying hard enough.
It just means we need different tools.
The goal is understanding your own operating system well enough to stop fighting it.
POINT OF THE STORY
It’s not laziness or a character flaw. Your ADHD brain is just asking for a different entry point.
Love you, mean it. 🖤
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This episode was edited by Adrienne Cruz.